7 Reasons You Should Take a Stoke Sleeper Bus to Oktoberfest
Make your trip to Oktoberfest a wild ride with Stoke
Are you a spontaneous, wanderthrusting free-spirit who wants to come to Oktoberfest but are leaving organising it to the last minute because that’s your style? Let Stoke welcome you with our strong and tanned arms onto one of our sleeper buses leaving from Barcelona. Why? We’ll tell you why…
1. Transport AND accommodation for the price of one
If you’re a thrifty little fucker (and we know you are), you simply cannot dispute the value for money a sleeper bus presents. Not only are you getting where you need to go, you also have a roof over your head AND a working toilet. Did someone say BARGAIN? Yes they did and it was us. You could fly, but then there’s luggage charges and the cost of getting from the airport to where the action is – get the bus, you rookie.
Much like pooping, self-pleasuring is one of those pillar activities of life that was undertaken with far greater regularity and ease before you hit the road. You used to go at least once a day, but now you sneak around like a little Catholic child afraid of going blind, hiding behind mouldy shower curtains, longing for those rare-as-hen’s-teeth 6.5 minute intervals when you are alone in the dorm room, and praying there will be toilet paper available as soon as you finish and realise that in your haste you didn’t check ahead. This is your chance, guys and gals. Pack a blanket in your hand luggage, organise those screenshots from your high-school crush’s Instagram into one convenient folder, wait until all of your immediate neighbours are asleep, form a triangular prism under the blanky with your knees and GO, QUICKLY, RUB LIKE THE WIND. We challenge you to see how many times you can rub one out through the duration of your sleeper bus journey. Note: it doesn’t count if you don’t finish.
3. Join the 0.001 mile high club
Maybe you’re not into doing things for yourself when you can get them done for you by others (see point 2 for context). Maybe you’re such a sweet-talker that you could sell ice to eskimos and also pick-up honeys in a sardine-can on wheels filled with recycled air and farts. We know what you’re thinking – aeroplanes are an easy hunting ground, the unnatural height lighting in humans a fear of their own mortality, that bestial urge to fight, flight or fuck heightened in a way that buses simply cannot inspire. You are wrong. It shouldn’t be that hard really – you’re rolling around foreign countries in a giant communal bedroom, could anything be more erotic? No. Make eyes across the aisle, offer a Pringle, and let nature take its course.
4. Better sleep than on a plane
You know the feeling. You finally doze off, only to have your flaccid sleep-neck give way under your head, jolting you awake to a reality in which you have drooled everywhere and are barred from going to the toilet by the unconscious, overweight person next to you. You didn’t buy any valium before you left solid ground because you are scared of drug dealers (pathetic), and now you must spend 12 hours listening to the tinny-sounding whine of the propellers and lamenting your incompetence as a traveler. It doesn’t have to be like this. With one of Stoke’s sleeper buses, you can have a WHOLE BED all to yourself, with no one to block you from toileting, stretching your legs or scratching your genitals at a whim. Arrive refreshed – take a sleeper bus.
5. Alone time
Travelling can be a difficult time for the lone wolves among us. You’ve shared dorms. You’ve shared tents. You’ve shared beds. You got stuck with that annoying guy on that tour and then he followed you to the next five cities. You’ve made friends and then found you had to share all of your snacks and toiletries with them. With your own designated rectangle of seat-cum-bed, no one will enter your bubble without your permission. Charge your laptop, make a playlist, stock up on choccy croissants and don’t forget your headphones. It’s time for you to do you, sweet cheeks.
6. BYO alcohol
You can only afford to fly with budget airlines, which means you can never afford the additional cost of alcohol on international flights. That time you BYOed a bottle of vanilla vodka and got so drunk that the captain made an emergency stop to have you arrested before you’d even left the Australian continent came at a hideous cost to both your bank account and your reputation, and we can’t have a repeat of that now can we? On Stoke’s sleeper bus, you can BYO all the Don Simon you can carry and no one will throw you off (unless you vomit red sludge in the aisle, but we feel that you can handle yourself a little better these days)
7. Team bonding
A sleeper bus is the perfect combination of personal space and potential-friend-finding. With 15+ hours spent together in close proximity, and your incredibly charismatic Stoke guide melting social barriers with an assortment of hilarious anecdotes, ice-breakers, drinking games and movies to help you bond through shared lols, you’ll roll off that bus and into the campsite with an Oktoberfest-buddy on the arm. Ride solo if you want, or ride Stoke-style.
Ride with us, children. We will safely deliver you straight to the land of steins and sexualised drinking costumes, and bring you back again.