East Coast Spirit Fairy Has Faith In Universe Restored

With the charging of the crystals the chakras can finally be aligned

Last month Bumblebee Wallflower was all but done with the universe. Expecting a “supermoon” the non-gender-specific, self-proclaimed alternative lifestyles/eastern-and-new-age religion/vocal vegan had all but burnt out their(?) crystals.

“Leading up to last month’s supermoon I used my crystals to manifest everything, and it worked! You should have seen the seashells I found, and at this one drum circle I really went into a voodoo trance! It was a great month, but month’s like that upset the karmic balance. Luckily there was a supermoon coming up to recharge my crystals, because everyone knows the one way to cheat the universe’s allocation of karma is to let pretty rocks bathe in the reflected sunlight coming off the full moon. Imagine the charge a supermoon would give.”

But it wasn’t to be for this young mouth breather who claims to go by many names — Hempcat Barrellroll and Jingleberry Stevens to name but two — as the November supermoon fell on a night with widespread cloud cover. “I just couldn’t believe it! I had trekked to the most sacred place I know — a walk of a full 20 minutes — the whole while repeating my manifestation mantra, I want this, I need this, I’ve earnt this, just to have cloud coverage the whole time! I didn’t know what to think, it was almost as if the universe wasn’t listening to my pleas…

“Since then my life has gone to shit. I haven’t been able to make the whole distance on the slackline once, and it feels like I’ve told hardly anyone that I’m a vegan! But when some of the kids who buy weed off me told me that there’d be another full moon in December my spirit soared like the mighty raven.”

And tonight, Walkingchafe Flaxseed’s prayers became manifested, as the pesky clouds stayed away and he/she was able to frolic under the moon’s gaze as her crystals absorbed its karma-cheating power.

“Things are looking up for me now. I can just feel the power radiating from my crystals. I mean, I can’t actually feel it, but I can feel it. And it feels like this month is the month for me. I might make some kale beanies and sell them at the market. I can’t imagine what it’s like to see the phases of the moon as simply the sun’s reflection off its surface as it orbits around the earth and the earth orbits the sun. This mystical lunar gaze combined with crystalised rocks and minerals will surely have a bearing on my life’s fortunes. We were so lucky that I manifested no cloud cover for tonight’s event, who knows when the next full moon would come around… “




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