COPYWRITER HAVING HARD TIME MAKING EASTER SOUND FUN WITHOUT OFFENDING RELIGIOUS GUESTS
A local copywriter has been given the unenvious task of making Easter sound cool, without offending former, current and future guests who may follow one of the monotheistic religions.
“Oh it’s a heckin’ minefield!”, proclaimed Gavin Jarvis, 28. “I don’t want to make light of the holiday itself, but I want to get people excited about Easter, and not because some bloke supposedly died a couple of thousand years ago!”
That “bloke” is none other than Jesus Christ, son of God and our saviour, who unverified reports say died for our sins over the Easter weekend, sometime around the year zero.
Jarvis, an aspiring novelist who is writing marketing copy to “pay the bills” has picked up some work with Stoke Travel, a Spain-based tour operator that’s proud of never taking itself too seriously, as well as speaking to young people in language they understand – edgy, empty and preferably in meme form.
“Well, what we’re looking for is something that will get travellers pumped up for a drunken and debaucherous Easter break, get them really psyched on coming with us to Ibiza for Spring Break, or using the time off to hit up our surf camp in Morocco,” explains Holly Randall, Stoke Travel’s vice president of marketing, “so we want to use language that informs travellers that they’ll be partying, they’re going to have a really good time, and will probably make out with one or multiple people. Now of course we have to be careful at all times to not to upset any of our audience, because our internal surveying shows that deeply offended people are three times less likely to book a trip with us than somebody who thinks we’re pretty funny. Should be a pretty easy job for a copywriter of Craig’s calibre.”
But Jarvis isn’t so sure. “Alright, what do you guys think about this: Join Stoke Travel this Easter for Spring Break in Ibiza, where we’ll be getting nailed on cheap shots, crucified on the dancefloor, and if we’re lucky whipped back in the hotel room afterwards. Will that offend some people? Probably. Fuck, shit, Christ. How about, Jesus turned water into wine, but now it’s your turn to convert wine into good times! This spring, in Ibiza. His mother may have been a virgin, but by the end of Spring Break you might not be… Oh man, not only is that offensive, but it’s kind of creepy too.
“The Morocco trip isn’t so difficult to write for, just come up with something about surfing being walking on water and it kind of writes itself. But Spring Break Ibiza? Not only is it the most debauched event of the academic year, it’s on an island that’s literally famed for its Eurotrash orgies. How can you write about a combination of those two things without upsetting people who are offended by lesbians?”
Jesus was contacted for comment, and while he wasn’t aware of Stoke Travel’s marketing materials in particular, did say that, “With all the shit going on in the world, some bozos trying to have a good time is hardly something to get mad about. Hell, I’d even say they’re doing my work.”
At the time of print Jarvis was playing around with the Easter egg theme, trying to relate the once-a-year treats to ecstasy pills, without much success. We don’t condone the use of drugs, but if a naughty club bunny gives you some “eggstacy” who are we to judge. His efforts continue.
If you’re not offended easily and want to have a real good Easter and an even better Spring Break, then join us in Ibiza for trips from the 23rd-26th of March, and from the 30th March to the 2nd of April. We’ll be having an unholy good time in Morocco throughout the Easter break, too.
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