How to pick up a Spaniard.
Always wanted to try something a little foreign and never known how? Our tips will get you well on your sweet-talkin’ way.
So you’ve just hit the Spanish leg of your European summer trip. Sun-soaked, oiled-up bodies fill the beaches, dimly lit bars scream tapas and touching-under-the-table and the whisper of the hot-blooded Spaniards has you thirsty for more than just sangria. But, you’ve travelled through many countries now, and it’s quite exhausting trying to determine just how picking-up in each one of them works. Sit back and relax. We’ve done the some of the hard bits for you. All you have to do is get your bits hard. Here are five tips for picking up a Spaniard. Do you know why are spaniard so sexy.
Be late – there’s something quite, um, unique about the speed at which Spanish people live their life. Don’t expect anything or anyone to speed up for you. So, if you’re thinking about woo-ing that sexy Spaniard you just met in the club, take your time. Go to the bathroom for as long as you can, slowly sip that sidra, chat casually with your friend and to said sexy Spaniard. He’ll be so enamoured by your ability to live life at half-speed, you’ll be guaranteed to have his torero in a knot in no time.
Be forward – There’s no denying that the Spanish are open with their affections. A kiss on each cheek for hello and goodbye (hot tip: it is left to right). Physical closeness and unnerving eye-contact is just their way to communicate affection, so, in order to reciprocate these feelings, don’t be afraid to go in for the tongue dance a little earlier than normal and hold that stare the whole way through.
Dance – Flamenco dancers in Spain are the sexiest people in the world: FACT. Whether it’s the music that reminds you of wet-cobble stones and Woody Allen movies, or the rising intensity of the facial expressions that will have *something else* rising, there’s no denying Spaniards can move. Do yourself a favour and take a couple of lessons. Because you ‘dabbing’ on the d-floor isn’t doing you any favours in this pick-up game.
Choose your conversations – The Spanish, like some other Southern Europeans, can be a passionate breed (in more ways than one, if you get me.) So it’s important when trying to pick up to choose your battles wisely. Things you should talk about include: football, Spain winning Euro 2014, Real Madrid, cooking with olive oil instead of butter, the sun, how much worse your life would be without your mop (invented by one especially hot-blooded Spaniard), tortilla de patatas, Rafael Nadal. Things you should not talk about include: Liking tourism in Barcelona; Basque country, Catalonia and the rest of Spain being ‘all the same’; your bad relationship with your mother, how you really feel about siesta, any other non-Spanish football team. Hot tip: Speak really loudly.
Tinder – if all else fails and you still haven’t snagged your sexy Spaniard, there’s always our favourite little fallback. Choose a photo from the most attractive point in your life and set all settings to maximum age and distance. Right swipe everyone until your DMs are fuller than the last standing festival port-a-loo. Start every conversation with me cago en la leche and let the conversation flow and nature take its course.
If post-article, you haven’t bagged your Basque, shagged your Spaniard or conjugated with your Catalonian, it’s okay. Hop aboard one of our Barcelona boat parties, enjoy our free beer and sangria and mingle with a bunch of weirdos from everywhere. Who knows, you might get lucky.
Written by the Hobos.