Pre-Apocalypse Party

Travel Now, Worry About It Later

There’s never been a better time than right now to pack it all up and head off into the world. Nothing is certain anymore, the world as we know it is changing, and all of the old notions of saving for the future, building a property portfolio and concentrating on your career are worth naught in the face of looming financial disasters, an overdue plebeian uprising and the arrival of robots to take our jerbs, respectively.

With the entire world in such flux, you’d hate to look back, five years from now, and wish that you’d just packed everything up and hit the road, for some kicks, before the whole of humanity collapsed under its own weight.

But doom and gloom be gone! Here at Stoke we’ve pulled together the ultimate live-like-it’s-all-over 2017. Let’s make this year the best one that we’ve ever had, because then if the four horsemen come riding in and literally raising hell we’ll be happy for the rest, and if the apocalypse isn’t forthcoming, then we’ve had a fantastic 2017 and we can go back to reality chuffed and satisfied.

Anyway, here’s what we’re doing while everybody else fucks the world (in chronological order, so they’re easier to scrawl on your calendar).

 

  1. Sitges Carnival. Hedonism with a tenuous religious justification is the best kind of hedonism. God wants you to get wasted, wear a mask and make out with strangers, so do it or risk eternity in hellfire (bad).
  2. Las Fallas is Valencia’s own apocalypse simulator. Watch while the city burns without having to endure the horrors of warfare, before world leaders drag us all into World War 3.
  3. Springbreak Ibiza/Ibiza Beach Camp. This island truly is paradise, and will probably be saved from most future horrors, so while you party you can also stake out caves to call your future home.
  4. Springfest. You don’t need no excuse to drink beer.
  5. San Vino, hone your battling skills while using wine. Become the best warrior in your district by training with something that doesn’t hurt anybody, while increasing your tolerance to being bathed in blood.
  6. San Fermines. One of the keys to post-apocalyptic survival is the ability to outrun irrational, aggressive, angry beasts. The parties of San Fermines are full of such beasts, many of them from Australia. Salsa dance your way out of their boozy clutches.
  7. San Sebastian Surf Camp. So when the ice caps melt and the oceans rise do you want to sink like a skateboarder, or glide gracefully like a surfer boy? Make the Water World your playground, not your soggy grave.
  8. La Tomatina. There’s no better way to celebrate inevitable future famines than by having a food fight in the now! It won’t be so long before we’re eating dirt — and being bloody thankful for it — so spend 2017 hurling perfectly palatable tomatoes, you hedonistic bastard.
  9. Oktoberfest, see Springfest.

 

These are all the reasons you need for saying, fuck it all, packing your bags, and dancing off into the sunset. Forget what your parents, pals, professors and politicians tell you, they don’t know what’s best for you! Nobody but you does! And they’re the ones responsible for the world being such a hot, unequal, unaffordable mess right now. It’s time to tune out, drop out, get high and get the hell out of wherever you are and see the world. It’s time to do YOU, to do whatever it is that makes you happy, to not only start ticking things off your bucket list, but to be fervently adding new items. We don’t know that the world is ending anytime soon, but we also don’t know that it’s not ending. Know what we mean? Let’s do this.

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