Hey Stokies, Gossip Bitch here,
Ho Ho Hoes. Sound the trumpets, strumpets! It’s the holidays and most of our worn-out Stokies have left the campsites and scattered around the globe to be with friends and family, take a break from insanity and maybe for some, work a normal job during the slower seasons.
After so many weeks of stokification, some people might find it hard to get back to what others might classify as “normal society”. Around Stoke campsites its not unusual to hear sex noises while you sleep. How about in the real world? Tell that to these boys who took a mini vaca to Latvia. They seemed not to have noticed that they weren’t in tents anymore. After keeping everyone awake all night (with a girl who works at the hostel) the boys traded their warm hostel beds for a night in the street! And on top of that(other than the Stokie), the poor girl is getting sacked…Sorry boys, most jobs outside of Stoke Entreprises do not condone sexual activities with employees in the work environment. I could have told you that one.
Another thing that normal people like to do is meet your significant other’s family for the first time. This is perfectly normal, especially during the holidays. One early morning in the land of Kangaroos, a warm family introduction took a twist for turn. It was a case of being in the perfect position (like face down in between legs type of position) to greet the blue eyed boy’s mom for the first time. Hi mom. The boy didn’t say much. Let’s just say he had a mouthful and it wasn’t with twizzlers.
Romance is quite popular this time of year. That damned mistletoe will be giving us mono by the end of it all. Slopdog loves being surrounded by girls so much he followed 4 of them across the world! Which one did he get lucky with? Nil. They were destroyed by the time he got there. You know what they say, you can take the girls out of Barcelona but you can’t take the Barcelona out of them. 2pm the next day and they still aren’t home. But where are they? Spotted on 18th and Broadway blending in with the grey people of New York City jumping from mattress to mattress at “Sleepy’s Professional”. Wrong bed Phil.
But that’s just New York. No one loves or feels there. And so his pursuit continues. It seems like good things happen when gin and tequila are mixed. Maybe it’ll be a happy ending for a sloppy Hendricks after all. Or maybe she’ll just backhand him at a bar called Happy Ending and leave him stranded in Cabo, Mexico.
Some people definitely try to make the yuletide gay, especially at Church in London. Love really is a beautiful thing. It comes in many different shapes and slices…plus we all love a blonde with big boobs. I don’t really know what this romance was about, but one of my sources tells me that the love was one sided. It involved one love-struck female smashing a pizza in Blondie’s face, multiple times. What was that about? I think you need a tip on how to flirt sweetie.
Hear the sleigh bells ringing?
Someone’s definitely going to get sleighed and ringed if they don’t start getting to work! We used to be able to take a full year break from the preparation mayhem of Oktoberfest’s campsite but this year, Stoke is bringing unlimited booze, parties and camping to Brazil for World Cup 2014. And with this angry Mrs. Santa in town, people just don’t take breaks in the North Pole, or the South rather. Just because it’s in a different continent doesn’t make it any more different or difficult. We’ve done it all before. Take a breather and relax, no need to have a baby over it. Everything always turns out fine in the end!
In the meadow we can build a snowman and pretend that Parsons is in town! Couldn’t find out what this little one has been up to.. sneaky little thing. Last I heard she was at the W Hotel in Barcelona, ditching her friends to smooch up on some handsome American at the bar. And look at us, thinking you were the innocent one. Have fun in Australia, heard you’ve got a few lucky fellas to choose from, which one will it be? I think Santa’s got you on the naughty list this year ?
Lastly, everyone loves a good meal for Christmas. A nice roast, turkey, ham, or trout? In Austria, the guys decide to deep fry this fish and cover him with flour. Doesn’t the taste of disaster sound tempting?
And Edinburgh? Genna I heard someone’s been stealing your eggs. Not sure what else has been happening there but no worries. Later on I’ll conspire as I find out who’s been fired.
So sorry Stokies, I guess normal just doesn’t suit you.