New Springfest Policy: “You Must Be This Drunk to Ride”
Officials at Munich’s Fruhlingsfest, better known as Springfest, have instituted a new minimum-drunkenness requirement for the carnival at this year’s festival. Meant to combat dangerous under-indulgence, the proposed policy change would require anybody wishing to board one of the festival’s massive carnival rides to provide adequate proof of inebriation.
“Fruhlingsfest is a fun time, and most people know how to enjoy the holiday appropriately,” said festival official Jannes Biergeliebter. “Every year, however, we have some people who let themselves get much too sober, and it can ruin things for everybody.”
Biergeliebter explained that the rule was adopted only after careful consideration. “We want people to enjoy Fruhlingsfest in their own way, but sometimes you must be firm to preserve the integrity of the festival.”
According to the new regulation, rides at Springfest’s carnival will enforce minimum inebriation requirements that vary from ride to ride. Some rides, like the ferris wheel, will only demand that riders be under the influence of two or three liters. Other, more adventurous rides will have steeper expectations.
“Basically, the faster it spins, the more pissed you’ll have to be,” said Heinrich Gotz, who works at the carnival. Gotz and other carnival crew members are currently going through training to recognize and quantify states of wastedness in preparation for the April 20th opening.
“To get into the fun house, for example, usually it’s enough just to be talking too loudly,” Gotz said. “There are a couple rides with much stricter requirements, though. For the rides that spin upside down, I probably won’t let you on unless you need help standing in line.”
“Training our carnival workers is a way of keeping the process fair,” said Biergeliebter. “Everybody expresses their tipsiness differently. For example, I often tell colleagues how much I love and respect them after only two liters, but I don’t begin to slur until a half dozen. By learning how to identify the signs, we can ensure that nobody gets too clear-headed.”
Biergeliebter is very excited to see the proposed changes in action. “If everything works like it should, we will see much fewer visitors who are endangering the mood by under-indulging.”