Press Release: Stoke to Move All Beach Camps to Tasmania in 2017
Stoke CEO Toby Paramor has announced that as part of his 2017 strategy to make Stoke Travel great again, the Ibiza beach camp will be closed down and relocated to Hobart, Tasmania.
“Tasmania is cool now, we know because Vice said so. If we’re being honest, Ibiza is so passe, it’s lost its edge. These up-and-coming Tasmanian DJs have more steeze in their mixing fingers than cheeseballs like Tiesto and Aviici have in their entire bodies combined.”
“I first heard of Hobart a few years ago. That guy built that sex and death themed art museum there, and all of a sudden people from Melbourne were deigning to cross Bass Strait and filling my Instagram feed with pictures of controversial art and photos of lattes with captions like Second best coffee I’ve ever had, and I’m from Melbourne. After that song about taking pills in Ibiza was overplayed all over Europe this summer, I knew it was time to make the move. The summer season only lasts eight days in “Tasbiza”, so we’re expecting places will fill up quickly.”
Chairman of the Board Wade Gravy has come out in support of the move, and says he is pushing to have all Stoke surf camps relocated to Australia’s island state also.
“Zarautz and Taghazout were cute, a bit of fun while the company was young, but as Stoke and I grow older we need to show people that we’ve still got it. From 2017 onwards, all surf camps will be located at Shipsterns Bluff in Tasmania. This might narrow the client base for our surf camps, but if you’re too soft for Shippies, you’re probably too soft for Stoke. We throw the line ‘get Stoked or die trying’ around all the time, it’s time to show people that we mean it.”
Original photo by Stu Gibson
Photoshopping by Michael Mueller