City Guide

Bold, brash, colourful and Catalan. The tourist mecca has something for everyone all prettily scattered in a mesmerizing mosaic of fun and frivolity.

Population: shitloads
Language: Catalan, Spanish and every other language under the sun
Nationalities: yes
Surf report: swell at the fountain at Parc Ciutadella. Get out your longey. They’re small and fun.

Cookie-cutter must see’s: feeling serious? Here’s the serious sights:
Sagrada Familia – the famous eternally half-completed Gaudi church
La Rambla – the boulevard down the centre of the Old Town where you’ll find living statues, artists, flower stalls and even a pet store! Watch your pockets though or you’ll lose your wallet
Plaza Catalunya – the square at the top of La Rambla where there is a pretty fountain and many shopping streets converge
Montjuic castle – Okay, this one is pretty cool and has fab views of the city. You can take the cable car up, but don’t do it on a windy day cause it’s really high and it’s pretty frikking hairy
The alternative cool shit: feeling avant-garde? Here’s the Stoke choices:
Leche de Pantera bar: Panther’s Milk – this unction of the gods is found in random little bars in El Gotico. Tastes like a milkshake, has the effect of straight whiskey shots. No one is entirely sure what makes this panther purr, but you drink a few mini cups of the deceptively sweet drink all prettily sprinkled with cinnamon and you’ll be walking with a new sway.
Like skateboarding? Head to MACBA – the museum of modern art whose stairs provide dedicated skater’s their arena for achieving greatness.
Feel like some cheap and local fare? Head to Blai street and start at Blai 9 – best damn tapas in town and you’ll get at a damn good price.

Under no circumstances does Stoke recommend….
Climbing the wall to the Olympic pool at midnight to skinny dip. And if you do, beware of the guard stationed there who will absolutely not be bribed with a joint….
Climbing over the rocks at the harbour wall past the ‘No Entry’ signs to watch sunrise after a massive night partying. If you do and the locals gesticulate madly at you, be sure to wave back.
Buying beer off the illegal beer sellers on the beach because they’re up to the sinister task of trying to feed their families and how dare they?

No seriously, Stoke does not recommend: tourist traps
Any and all restaurants on La Rambla – they are overpriced and shit
Carrying loads of cash or crappy little breakable bags that can be easily snatched
Walking down Nou de la Rambla or any part of lower Raval in the wee hours of the morning – those ladies are not your friends… they’re prostitutes… and they may be really friendly people but at that time of the morning, they are working gals.
Paying too much to cab drivers – they are not allowed to charge you for hand luggage!
The snooty clubs along the beachfront

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