Population: Sehr groß (It’s big)
Language: German, ja
Nationality: Once German, now all the outliers from around the world
Surf report: There’s a perfect curling wave in the Eisbach (Ice Brook) River. Be sure to bring a wetsuit!
Cookie-cutter must see’s: feeling serious? Here’s the serious sights:
Checkpoint Charlie – this Cold War border crossing holds plenty of historicald significance but limited charm
Brandenberg Gate – Probably the most famous monument in Berlin, but watch out for rogue selfie sticks
Berlinische Galerie – if you’re a modern-art snob you won’t be disappointed; you’ll find all the big names here
The alternative shit: feeling avant-garde? Here are the insider tips:
Boros Collection – a private collection of some of the craziest contemporary art, housed in a former military bunker
Markthalle Neun – an expansive food market in the heart of Berlin where you can find the best ribs evaaah
Tiergarten – grab some supermarket beers and stop for a lunchtime picnic and people-creeping at this Berlin institution
Badeschiff – Literally, “bathing ship”. This harboured barge has all the good shit: beach bar, swimming pool, sunbathing, saunas
ipse – A rustic vibey river-front club with chandeliers hanging from the treetops and badass techno line-ups
Under no circumstances does Stoke recommend….nudge nudge, wink wink
Stopping in at the Absinth Depot… and if you do, line your stomach first. Cue kaleidoscopic colours and talking fairies
Trying to get into Berghain without doing some research. All black, no facial expressions, speak some German. If you’re one of the lucky ones, gear up for a 48-hour bender
Biking around the city while intoxicated. Feel the wind in your hair and maybe the kerb in your face. Worth it.
No seriously, Stoke does not recommend:
Looking for weed in the park – you might as well tattoo “tourist” on your forehead
Dining at Alexanderplatz – unless you came to Berlin to sample McDonalds and Starbucks
Taking a photo with a Soviet soldier at Checkpoint Charlie. They’re actors. Plus, the regime terrorized Berlin!
Keeping your clothes on at the sauna. Consider this your excuse to get naked – being clothed in a sauna is quite the faux pas. Bring your own towel though!