Donald Trump Issues Stoke Travel Ban

Stokepedia

Is nothing safe from these tiny, executive order-issuing hands?

Following the formula of “Trump does something and then we apply it to Stoke Travel”, it would seem that the jaundiced sock puppet has delivered an executive order that expressly bans travel to any Stoke trips.

Claiming that Stoke Travel trips are, “Bad, very bad, garbage travel, no class, sad,” the reactionary leader has shown that his divisive travel bans can work in both directions. “We don’t want anybody who drinks Corona coming here, and we don’t want anybody going there. They [Stoke Travel] don’t respect my way of life. They promote hedonism and freedom, and people on Stoke Travel trips are encouraged to have fun. They drink and dance and cavort with members of both sexes, no sexes, the opposite or same sex – whatever they see fit. They welcome people from all and any walks of life, they refuse to discriminate based on race, religion, age or gender, and as far as this administration can discern, the only thing that they care about is having fun!

“Stoke Travel does not represent the very specific, narrow and hand-picked fake-Christian values that will make America great again – like it was back when a woman’s place was in the kitchen and everybody was scared of communism and we were overthrowing governments around the world. Stoke will have you believe that the world isn’t a scary place, they’ll have you believe that travelling around having fun, freewheeling from country to party to nightclub to festival is still an option in this day and age, but the Trump administration insists that this is no longer the case. We live in dangerous times and the only way to be safe is to close our borders, stay at home and look backwards.”

Unfortunately for Don, the travel ban only extends to Stoke Travel trips operating inside the USA, of which there are currently zero. Seeing as though we operate mostly in Europe and North Africa we couldn’t give two flying fucks about what he thinks, and, furthermore, has there ever been a better time to get out of the United States and see what’s going on in the rest of the world?

Seriously, come on a Stoke Travel trip to surf in Morocco and learn first hand that Muslims have got no problem whatsoever with our way of life, that they’re among the happiest and most welcome people in the world and, instead of being terrorists, are actual fucking legends.

Maybe you need a trip to Sitges for Carnival to remind you of the importance of a good party, and better acquaint ourselves with our brothers and sisters in the LGBQT community.

Or come to Munich for Springfest or Oktoberfest and see how in no way, shape or form have the Syrian refugees in Germany had any negative effect on the fabric of that society. In fact, all over Germany, you can see the massive contribution made daily by second and third generation Turkish migrants.

Any Stoke Travel trip, from Spanish fiestas, to surf trips, to party tours, will inform you that, outside of the tiny bubble that Donald Trump, his team, and his supporters inhabit there’s a whole world that’s not scared of everyone dissimilar to them, who still want to spend their lives relentlessly pursuing fun, meeting strangers from all over the world and realising that they’re not so dissimilar to us, falling in love with foreigners and learning new languages and making sure that each and every day is full to the brim with as many laughs as is humanly possible. Did you know that it’s possible to laugh with people, Mr Trump, and not just laugh evilly down at the peasantry, or be persistently laughed at?

Don’t buy into Trump’s rhetoric that world is a dangerous place, let’s make each other great like we’ve always been. Let’s have some fucken fun in the face of this creeping fascism. 

Tagged with: conversation, politics, Stoke Travel, Satire, Trump