Prague

Prague

Prague City Guide

This quirky, weird and wonderful city is seriously underrated. Regularly described as a fairytale, albeit a dark and demented one. Prague also has the best beer in Europe… Best of both worlds, am I right?

Population: Lots
Language: Czech
Nationality: Czech em out, they’re pretty cool
Surf report: Rollers on the Vtlava at dusk

We’ve listed the typical and the more original things to see, but in reality, Prague is beautiful and some of the cookie-cutter things really are worth seeing.

Cookie-cutter must see’s: feeling serious?

Wander across the Charles Bridge – This beautiful bridge has statues of saints lining the walkway, where artists and vendors flock. Listen to some live music, people watch, take some pics of the stellar view.
Museum of Communism – An interesting take on the city’s history, take some time to learn about the history of the gem that is Prague.
Petrin Hill – Wait, are we in Prague or Paris? This gloriously green hill boasts its own mini Eiffel Tower. Not to mention a mirror maze and the wooden Church of St. Michael brought over from Ukraine for enlightening the locals.
Get weird with David Cerny – David Cerny’s sculptures are weird and uncomfortable, but you won’t be able to take your eyes off of them. And if you really want to get up close and personal, you can look through two of the baby’s buttholes to watch an actor resembling President Vaclav Klaus eating baby food and two men pissing out a puddle of poetry. Yeah.
Visit the Prague castle – Act like a king for the day and wander around the largest ancient castle in the world. Beautiful and gothic but also tourist-ridden.
Old Town Square – One of the best places to sit and experience Prague. Check out the old clock that plays music on the hour with a little procession. Try and avoid the clock during peak times though, unless you wanna be crushed by tonnes of other tourists. Before 9am is perfect.
Have a taste of some goulash – It’s typical and touristy and a treat. A traditional meat stew served in a big hollowed out breadroll.

The alternative cool shit: feeling avant-garde?

Here’s the Stoke choices:
Kutna Hora – The bones chapel. Take a day trip out of town and you’ll find the ossuary with chandeliers made of bones, a silver mine tour that goes 6 floors underground and a cheap and cheerful Gothic town. Think the bat from Anastasia cheerful. Smiling but creepy.
John Lennon wall – Compose your best bit of lyrical genius and pen your place among the artistes and philosophers of the world. Also great for a quirky picture. Very prague-esque.
Cross Club – A mechanical bar – really freaking cool club. Just go.
Sex Machine Museum – Yeah, you read right. The one and only sex machine museum in the world. Try and wrap your head around all 200 sexy contraptions. Think 50 Shades of Grey, but worse. (Or better..?)
Kolbenka flea market – Largest flea market in all of Europe, you’re sure to find a steal here. Plus you get to say, ‘Oh this? Yeah, I picked it up in Prague’.
U Fleku – try Czech black beer and local grub in a traditional setting. Watch out for their aperitifs and digestifs – those little shots of firewater are not complimentary. Worth it though.

Under no circumstances does Stoke recommend….

(nudge, nudge, wink, wink)
Drinking Absinthe – It makes you pass out in McDonalds, not eat a cheeseburger, and throw up.
Trying all 30 of the beers at the Beer Museum – Like I mentioned earlier, Czech beer tastes better than a plate of greasy fries on a hungover morning so this one is hard to say no to. If you do, regrettable decisions will likely (read: undoubtedly) be made.
Getting primal at Pravek – This restaurant/bar has a Neanderthal theme. Staff are dressed up as cavemen and cavewomen, and customers are expected to bang a rock on the table when they’re ready to order. I’m honestly not sure how to feel about this…

No seriously, Stoke does not recommend: tourist traps
Go anywhere near McDonalds – If you do, you deserve to throw up. Forget a 2 euro cheeseburger and venture around for something new.
Wander the Wenceslas Square late at night – Drug dealers, pimps, and prostitutes. Unless you’re into that kind of stuff…
Spend $50 on a river cruise – The captain is only allowed to go so far, so you end up going in circles. Instead? Rent a paddleboat for $5, not only are the views great but you’ll burn off all that beer. Well, some of it.

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