The Worst Possible Places To Receive Hickeys

Stokepedia

Ahh hickeys, we’ve all had them, given them, tried to cover them up and had to explain them at some point in our lives. The little (or big) purple suckers hang around for days as a reminder of those sexy times (just in case you need reminding) and you are forced to wear it as a filthy tag of fornicatio until it decides to be on its merry way. Love them or hate them, they’re almost never a good look, yet we still continue to pull the ol’ vampire move every now and then. So, where are the worst possible places to receive hickeys? How big is too big? It’s all open to personal opinion really. Here’s a list of some of the worst spots, in our humble yet knowledgeable opinion:

1. Smack bang in the middle of your neck

At our Running Of The Bulls campsite, one lucky lady emerged with a very sizeable, very dark hickey, right in the middle of her neck. It was the most indiscreet and highly visible hickey to (probably) ever exist and no amount of makeup was able cover it up. With every new person she saw she was subject to the same reaction, the same questions and the same level of disgust. The worst part was that because it was in the middle of her neck, she was pretty much fresh out of cover up options. Hair wouldn’t do it, scarves are no good in the middle of the Spanish summer and if you’re wearing your traditional red neck scarf for days on end, you’re probably going to end up getting some pretty funny looks.

2. On your boobs

This one is controversial because boob hickeys aren’t always THAT bad. Depending on where they are, sometimes they are ok. That’s not to say you should go around giving people hickeys on their boobs, but, if you are going to do it, do it in a spot that is easily covered up. Another girl at the campsite was given one on her boob, but in a less than ideal spot. Unless she was wearing a crew neck t-shirt, it was out there for everyone to see. In bathers, a tank top, a sundress, in pretty much everything it was visible. And yes, people did ask.

(This hickey happens often in Munich, due to the low-cut Oktoberfest costumes)

3. The side of your neck

Although this one is generally a lot easier to cover up, it still kind of sucks (ha, get it), especially in the Spanish summer. Yeah, you can wear your hair down to cover it up but who wants to have a heavy mop of hair sticking to their neck in 30-degree heat. Not us, and probably not you. This one will often open itself up to unnecessary staring while people try to figure out whether it is indeed a hickey, or if it’s just a cheeky little birthmark in a slightly inconvenient place.

4. Anywhere on the top half of your body

If it’s above your waist, there’s a high chance people are going to see it. It doesn’t really matter too much where it is, if it’s there and it’s within eyesight, the wandering eye of the ever so curious friend/fellow traveller/hostel worker/bartender will catch it, they will judge you and they will probably get a fucking weird mental image of you almost definitely naked, receiving said hickey. Let’s be honest, that’s not something either of you want. Or is it…

5. Anywhere at all, ever

Put simply, hickeys are pretty gross, and as we’ve just touched on in the previous dot points, they’re almost always visible and people will almost always mention it. If they don’t mention it, that’s probably worse. They’re left awkwardly staring at it while you stand there knowing they’re staring at it, waiting for them to say something but they don’t and it ends up being a big ol’ awkward mess. A big ol’ awkward mess that could have easily been avoided in if in the sweaty heat of the moment, you’d simply said “Hey, please don’t fucking suck on my neck”.

If any of the above resonate with you, or hit a little too close to home, then let this serve as a reminder for the remainder of the festival season (and life in general), not to be that person running around with a giant hickey on your neck. On the other hand though, if you’ve read this and thought Fuck you guys, I love hickeys! then by all means, be our guest. In fact, why not be our literal guest and come and hang out with us at La Tomatina or Oktoberfest, where we can almost guarantee you’ll find more than enough willing suitors ready to go to town on your neck… Or wherever you like…

Who are we to tell you that hickeys are gross? If you’re in the mood to receive a hickey or perhaps to give one, come with us and join the party at La Tomatina and Oktoberfest! Make sure your neck is tasty and delicious, practice your sucking skills and book your trip here!

Tagged with: alcohol, Stoke travel passport, Europe, la tomatina, Oktoberfest, sex