Stoke’s guide to Oktoberfest tent-a-sutra
THE STOKETOBERFEST GUIDE TO TENT-A-SUTRA
Okay so you’ve found your true love in the beer halls at Oktoberfest and you’re ready to get it on (or should we say off). You’ve had the ‘your tent or mine’ conversation and your hearts and legs are racing to get into it ASAP. But despite the adrenaline pumping through your veins over the prospect of having a drunken, sweaty time with a sexy stranger, you’re still a bit skeptical about how good this tent sex is going to be. Well, fear not fellow fiends, for we are here to help. Below you will find 7 saucy tent-a-sutra positions to help make your Stoketoberfest tent sex the best it can possibly be.
Every pretzel needs a bit of salt, right? After twisting all four of your legs into a twizzled-intertwinement and allowing your bread to be baked to the perfect consistency, it’s time to taste the dough.
THE TENT POLE
Straight and simple, this erect position will be sure to keep you dry or wet all night long (depending on how effectively you put it together). Think the small individual tent pole sections that fit inside each other to create one glorious, stiff whole.
THE POP-UP TENT
A quick erecting set-up. As soon as that zipper is undone it’s up and finished before you’ve had time to choose the spot without rocks underneath… and when you’re done with this one, it’s easy to get it back in the bag.
THE STUCK ZIPPER
Imagine a glory hole, but without the glory, and a bratwurst wedged between two zippers in y
our tent. The stuck zipper is sure to be a winning icebreaker with random bypassers and lovers alike.
Dissimilar to the usual pegging sex position which involves a regular dildo and a strap on. Stoke’s tent-a-sutra version involves buying another one of those delectable bratwurst sausages you indulged in earlier in the day. Just remember to let it cool down first… unless, of course, you’re into that.
THE RUSHIN’ (RUSSIAN) DOLL
You know those tiny dolls that, once opened up, reveal a second doll inside? This is quite the same. Pitch a small tent within the other and grab three of your friends, have one of you sitting in reverse cowgirl position as she pleasures the other two standing “Eiffel tower” style over her. The result is a fucked up “tent” shaped orgy within a tent with all sorts of penetration madness. Talk about a person inside a person.
THE PACK DOWN
It’s the last night of the festival and even your dirndl hasn’t yet attracted a mate. That guy collecting cups at the end of the night has never been so sexy. This position is a free-for-all. Go wild, you filthy animals. If the tent stays erect, you’re doing it wrong.
Consider yourself informed on a whole wealth of positions for you and your new tent buddy to try out.
Please note: Stoke Travel will not be held responsible for any injuries or awkward situations that may eventuate from people who take this article too literally. Be safe out there, kiddos!